Treasure Yourself - Have an escape weekend

Ah, so relaxing! Nothing like being away from home and having nothing that needs to get done to bring about a state of complete relaxation.

Checked into the hotel after grabbing a bite to eat. Unpacked a few things and settled in for a nice nap at 3pm. Nothing quite like climbing into a well made bed in the middle of the day.

So here's my recommendation to you. Go drive an hour or two away, check into a hotel and do nothing. It feels great!

Random Venting: Rock n' Roll Ain't a "Boys Only" Game.

Disturbing Diva isn't the only on who's hostile today.

I let something sit and simmer for a few days, and now it's become a rolling boil of anger. I am effin' pissed off that in the year 2009, so many men and women still view Rock n' Roll as "Men's Business". I sing for the female-fronted hard rock band, Breaker, and am constantly bombarded by the question, "who do you sound like?" or "what bands would you compare yourself to?" It's a difficult question to answer as there are so few successful female-fronted straight-up rock bands out there. There's Paramore and The Donna's, but they're more pop-punk. There's Evanescence and Flyleaf, but they've got the goth/alt rock thing going on. In This Moment is metalcore. Shiny Toy Guns are electronic pop-rock.

The last great female-fronted plain ol' rock band I can think of is Hole, and they're now defunct. I know I'm leaving a lot of awesome female artists off of this list, and there are plenty of great ones out there, just not a whole lot on the hard rock scene. Honestly, the music I create is more easily compared to male-fronted bands, and some people have a hard time accepting that. I feel like they want to shove me in one of the "Girl Music" boxes.

In the "Girl Music" boxes, there is no room for singing about getting ass, using people for sex, or celebrating an enjoyable one-night stand. It seems to make some people squeamish that I do sing about those things, and that I may writhe and gyrate while I do it. I've come to the conclusion that I am cool with proudly excluding some people. "Oh, you don't like bitches behaving badly? Your loss; Peace out, sucka!!!"

I long for the day when there are some bad-ass rockin' femmes comparing their bands to Breaker. The mold of what "Women in Music" sound like is long overdue for a shattering, and if my voice and presence can contribute to it, then I must be doing something right.

Go wet yer ear pussies with some of this:
Myspace.com/BreakerMusic

Days of Random Hostility

You know, everyone has them. Or at least I think everyone has them. Ok, I know I have them. Those days when I'm pissed off at the world and feeling hosile. It feels like no one wants to talk about it though. But I will.

It usually starts with some small thing. That little teenie tiny moment when someone tweeks me the wrong way. When they say the wrong thing (How Rude!), look at me the wrong way (Annoying!) or have that flitting facial expession that leads me to jump to all sorts of wretched concluions about their lies and deception. Am I the only one who thinks this way? Are all you happy people running around with nary an evil thought behind your smiling little faces?

So that little small thing comes and goes. I think "no big deal". Then some other innocuous incident happens and the hostility creeps in... then one more thing and one more thing til I think just eradicating the entire population of the planet just to get some peace sounds like a good idea.

It makes a girl stressed out.

Well, usually I only have "one of those days" every once in a while. Now I've had two back to back. I'll do some soul searching and see who's to blame for this disaster.

In the meantime - don't cut anyone off today. It might be me you cut off. And you might be the last straw.

The Joys of Internet Dating - Affection Central

Ah, for all the bitching there is about internet dating, there are perks. You know for all the miscellaneous posturing, posing and generally maneuvering thru the landscape of possibilities, every once and a while - you hit pay dirt. That spark appears and you get past the first date. Sometimes it tanks on the second date, sometimes it lasts for a few months, sometimes... well, those are rarer times, but they do happen. A friend of mine is happily married to her online dating man. And don't we all have one of those stories these days. A friend, a cousin of a friend or a friend of our cousins actually met their spouse online. I did too but that's a whole nother story.

This here little moment is a little detour on the road of internet dating. A pit stop as it were. I recently started internet dating again, and I found an affection man. Wow! And do I love that or what?!!?! I didn't even realize how much I run on affection. It really, and I do mean Really, works for me. I feel loved and appreciated and sexy. And so this is a reminder that the point of dating is not always to get married, find the perfect man or start the perfect relationship. Sometimes its just about learning about your self, what you like and what works for you. I sure am. And hey, what's not to like about some snuggles?

My Life is Great, Thanks for Asking.

My bassist, Will, and I went for a hike today, and after we had exhausted the band chatter, we moved onto the big stuff - the rest of our lives. It's the dreaded question for any hardworking musician whose star is on the rise: "How's the rest of your life?" Ugh.

The truth is that the rest of my life is pretty good. And the other truth is that I don't currently care about the rest of my life like I currently care about my band life. Making sure we've got our stage set-up solid, our tones harmonious, and our song transitions smooth seems preferable to making sure the car payment has been mailed, the prescription cat food picked up, and the guest bedroom ready for our weekend visitor. Am I alone in thinking that the latter set is a big batch of bullshit?

I'm at a stage in my life where I don't want to be bothered with anything that isn't creative self-expression. All I currently care about is rocking and writing and nourishing my "artist brain". Try telling that to a husband with a seriously old-school work ethic - i.e. "Ya gotta' work hard!" and doom & gloom outlook for the future - i.e. "the economy sucks so we gotta' to work EXTRA HARD!" Yeah, it goes over like a fart in church.

So, where to go from here? How do I create balance between Band and Rest-of-Life without fucking one off for the other?

Maybe I should just remind him that Confucius says, "Happy wife, happy life", and hope for the best. Then again, maybe I should put a little more thought into it.

Love and Relationships: Why am I seaching for what's wrong with him?

Went on a date last night and had a horrible realization. Well, actually it was a great realization, I just felt horrified. I realized I was thinking through all the questions I need to ask him to find out what he's really like so I can avoid anyone who wont "act right". Attempting to avoid pain thru random inquisitions....probably not so effective.

As I stopped to contemplate my mental process, I noticed feeling competitive. Like its a game to be won, getting to know someone, and if you do it right you'll know them and not be surprised and hurt by anything they do. As if that is even possible. I was wanting to find out how he really is so I'll know what to expect so as not to be disappointed. I believe you get what you expect to find, so looking for flaws and preparing for disappointment, pain and feeling shortchanged, looks like a bad idea. So why am I doing it. Knee jerk reactions.

I've spent so much time working on changing my default settings in my brain on other subjects. Now I found one more place to rearrange. Men. I know I love them, I know they are a challenge for me and I know I want to be more in tune with the men in my life. I've learned alot about this in the past few years and am just now really incorporating that. Remembering that men think differently. Remembering that men have different needs and desires from women. Remembering that men will react to me based on how I am with them. If I don't like how things are going I get to be different.

So I get to change my perspective here. The men in my life are happy to make me happy. All this requires is for me to know what makes me happy and be willing to ask for it. Both of which, of course, I have a hard time with...ah the joys of learning.

Where will all this dating business lead? Is Love in the Cards? Am I ready for a relationship? I'm feeling like I'm making progress and getting a better grip on me and my answers. I wandered around match.com for a few weeks. My membership is almost ready to expire and I have had an adventure thus far. Some flakes, some coffee meeting moments and some interesting phone calls.... and one very promising hunk.

So this is the perfect opportunity. To calm down, slow down and just enjoy being without letting my brain get the better of me. Breathe, inhale, exhale, repeat. Talk with him, walk with him, explore with him, get to know him, snuggle with him, spend time with him and just enjoy being together. No detailed analysis required. No striving to understand the inner workings of his mind. No looking for clues with which to tell the future. Just old fashioned, good clean (and maybe just a smidge of dirty) fun. Adventure awaits.

I get to spend more time being the best of me. Smiling, Expressive, Vulnerable, Happy, Excited, Cheerful, Inquisitive, Impulsive, Instinctive, Peaceful, Powerful, Passionate and just Damn Fun! Its fun to be reminded that when I am being my favorite me, men are oh so attracted to me. Its like the perfect magic potion. Just being adored for awhile. Ok, so just being adored a few days a week or even all the time has such wonderous appeal. And I wonder at the little sparks and tugs at my heart and where they might lead. And I can take great satisfaction in being willing to find out.

Diva Ramblings

This is our space for our Divas to just speak their truth. We spend countless hours bringing our knowledge and interests to you. This is where we come to just talk about whatever is on our brilliant minds for which we haven't set up a specific blog yet. So stop by often and see what's going on in the mind of a Diva.

Watch out world - We've Got Things to Say!