Love and Relationships: Why am I seaching for what's wrong with him?

Went on a date last night and had a horrible realization. Well, actually it was a great realization, I just felt horrified. I realized I was thinking through all the questions I need to ask him to find out what he's really like so I can avoid anyone who wont "act right". Attempting to avoid pain thru random inquisitions....probably not so effective.

As I stopped to contemplate my mental process, I noticed feeling competitive. Like its a game to be won, getting to know someone, and if you do it right you'll know them and not be surprised and hurt by anything they do. As if that is even possible. I was wanting to find out how he really is so I'll know what to expect so as not to be disappointed. I believe you get what you expect to find, so looking for flaws and preparing for disappointment, pain and feeling shortchanged, looks like a bad idea. So why am I doing it. Knee jerk reactions.

I've spent so much time working on changing my default settings in my brain on other subjects. Now I found one more place to rearrange. Men. I know I love them, I know they are a challenge for me and I know I want to be more in tune with the men in my life. I've learned alot about this in the past few years and am just now really incorporating that. Remembering that men think differently. Remembering that men have different needs and desires from women. Remembering that men will react to me based on how I am with them. If I don't like how things are going I get to be different.

So I get to change my perspective here. The men in my life are happy to make me happy. All this requires is for me to know what makes me happy and be willing to ask for it. Both of which, of course, I have a hard time with...ah the joys of learning.

Where will all this dating business lead? Is Love in the Cards? Am I ready for a relationship? I'm feeling like I'm making progress and getting a better grip on me and my answers. I wandered around match.com for a few weeks. My membership is almost ready to expire and I have had an adventure thus far. Some flakes, some coffee meeting moments and some interesting phone calls.... and one very promising hunk.

So this is the perfect opportunity. To calm down, slow down and just enjoy being without letting my brain get the better of me. Breathe, inhale, exhale, repeat. Talk with him, walk with him, explore with him, get to know him, snuggle with him, spend time with him and just enjoy being together. No detailed analysis required. No striving to understand the inner workings of his mind. No looking for clues with which to tell the future. Just old fashioned, good clean (and maybe just a smidge of dirty) fun. Adventure awaits.

I get to spend more time being the best of me. Smiling, Expressive, Vulnerable, Happy, Excited, Cheerful, Inquisitive, Impulsive, Instinctive, Peaceful, Powerful, Passionate and just Damn Fun! Its fun to be reminded that when I am being my favorite me, men are oh so attracted to me. Its like the perfect magic potion. Just being adored for awhile. Ok, so just being adored a few days a week or even all the time has such wonderous appeal. And I wonder at the little sparks and tugs at my heart and where they might lead. And I can take great satisfaction in being willing to find out.